I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
