ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
