Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
just come out here and I will go home with you...
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
