hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
