gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
