omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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