the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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