no, he came in my armpit
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
