We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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