she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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