turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
