and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
