Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
