Christians are straight up FREAKS
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize