what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
