well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Randomize
