apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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