We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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