I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
