Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
