she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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