Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize