i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
