the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
