I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Life is so much better after having sex.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
