i don't like sucking hair
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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