He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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