respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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