i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
