debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
