I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
