You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
