I hope mine doesn't look like that
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
