i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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