i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
