she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
