Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Randomize
