Ambien. No doubt about it.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize