I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize