just tell him i said nine months
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
