If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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