My brain says no but my pants say off.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
