so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
