Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
