Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize