At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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