I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
