So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
