This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
