Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
