Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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