they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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