I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
