Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
