Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
