i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Hippo gnu deer
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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