so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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