Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
