i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
