I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
