I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
