i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
