it was like his penis was on wheels.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
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