thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
