I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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