So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
