R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
