u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
