3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
