very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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