You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize