I think my vagina is haunted
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
did i just pee glitter
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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