Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Did I show you my penis last night?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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